Two Promises You and Your Partner Should Make Before Starting Marriage Counselling
Here are two promises you and your partner should make to each other before starting marriage counselling.
Both of you will stay until the end of every counselling session
You should both promise each other that you'll stay until the end of every single counselling session. Whilst this might not sound like much of a challenge, you may be surprised at how tempting it will occasionally be to walk out during a session. This is because the counselling process will probably bring up lots of difficult emotions and memories connected to your relationship, as your counsellor may wish to help the two of you process some unresolved marital issues and the resulting grudges you both may be holding.
If either you or your partner is the type of person who tends to shut down and give the other person the 'silent treatment' when difficult subjects are brought up, you might find it hard not to just leave the room when the counsellor starts discussing an upsetting topic or when you feel that your spouse is being unreasonable. However, by agreeing to stay put and continue talking (even if the conversation leads to tears and uncomfortable feelings), the two of you will have a much better chance of releasing old grudges and developing a more loving, respectful and mature relationship.
You'll both commit to doing every at-home therapy exercise the marriage counsellor sets
Marriage counsellors often set couples at-home therapy exercises. It's important that you both commit to doing all of these exercises. The nature of the exercises will vary, depending on the counsellor's approach, but might include a relationship assessment questionnaire, a game that helps you to learn more about each other, or a challenge that requires you to come up with some fun couples activities to do together.
There may be times when one or both of you doesn't want to do an exercise because, for example, you argued during the previous counselling session and are still feeling cross or because you think the emotional intimacy the exercise requires will make you feel too vulnerable. If however, you both promise to do these exercises, irrespective of how you're feeling on the day you're supposed to do them, you'll reap the benefits of each one (which might include insight into your relationship, enhanced emotional intimacy or a better understanding of your partner) and will notice that your relationship gradually starts to become more joyful and fulfilling.